Bird Man,
Great Footage, Great Exploration, Great choice of music (in original version).
I agree with Dave about length. Making assumptions here, but as a new shooter, we are either so 'in love' with everything we capture, or our subject, or we simply don't know when enough is enough, it is usually very difficult to cut out our "precious" footage. It looks like you are learning that distinction quickly -- Bravo!
Consider some over-arching basics with any new project (shooting AND editing):
"What is my STORY?"
"To WHOM am I telling it?"
"What do I want them to THINK and FEEL?"
Allow those questions (and others like them) to guide your shots and your edits.
On the timeline (editing suite), try to avoid "un-motivated" camera or aircraft movements. When a PAN (left/right) feels too quick or 'hesitant' -- don't use it or use editing tools to slow it down or smooth it out. Same with RISE & FALL, PUSHING IN/OUT, or TILTING UP/DOWN.
Also, consider your frame composition. If one cannot tell what in the frame is the Subject (as opposed to foreground and background), the viewer becomes confused or bored. That does NOT mean the subject must remain in the center, in fact most dynamic compositions have the subject elsewhere in the frame. If you cannot/do not get this as you shoot, you can crop the frame in your editing suite to help out a missed composition opportunity.
Jay241 makes a good point about color, contrast and saturation -- all image controls that can help (no miracles here) enhance the overall appearance of your images. These are tools that are more specialized and sensitive, and are usually late in the process after all other editing is mostly done.
Also consider pacing through wise choice of TRANSITIONS -- a way to control the feel or emotions of your viewer. Quick Cuts suggests urgency. Slow Fades relaxes and reassures the viewer. Both are good when they elicit the feel you are trying to achieve -- either can hurt your efforts when misused. As you may discover, there are several transitions available in your editing suite, but that does not mean you need to use them All, all of the time.
Music (and motion) is what separates Photos from Cinema, AND goes a long way to establish mood, emotion and story, so for that reason, I preferred the music choice you made for the original/first edit. While some of the background instrumentation suggested an Asian origin, the winsome flute and complex supporting instruments magnified the Majesty of the Cabazon Peak -- your subject. Overall, I think it conveyed an EPIC story, and the Asian influence was just enough 'Different' to interest the listener -- in other words "this is not your Ordinary wild west scenario".
As you are obviously learning -- editing takes time, and part of that time should be spent AWAY from your project, so that you can come back to it and view it with "Fresh Eyes", so consider taking more than one pass at the initial edit to be sure you have the order of shots and sequences and the transitions and pacing just right, before putting finishing touches to it (cropping, color grading, special effects, etc.).
From my own interest, I would love to see something more "in between" the two projects you have here. I prefer the pacing (and MUSIC choice) of your original edit, but using only the best of the Best shots, cut down for brevity and arranged in an order that tells a story and perhaps 'surprises' the viewer, once or twice with "Reveals" that they were not expecting. Really take my breath away!
Please forgive the lengthy post -- I so much wanted to share and encourage you to continue your Very Good Work. I think you are on an Excellent path to learn for yourself what is pleasing to you and your viewer. My sincere hope is that you will continue to refine this project (version 3 ???) as you learn how to compose your beautiful Symphony for the Senses.
Best of Luck,
Len