Welcome to the forum From Chicago the Windy City.
Searching for your identity is rough in this world, especially during this past year or so. Does not matter where you live. And reaching out for help no matter where your at. I am a life couch, we can continue this conversation
if you like, send me your E-mail. A famous Author once wrote, "Don"t let others spoil your faith and Joy with their philosophies, their wrong and shallow answers built on men's thoughts and ideas." The Greek word phi-lo-so-phi'a. means, literally, "love of wisdom." In modern usage the term relates to human endeavours to understand and interpret through reason and speculation the whole of human experience, including the underlying causes and principles of reality. And, I agree this is not the forum, to discuss
finding your identity. Appreciate you opening up, about your concerns.
I will not discuss this any further, except with Southnordic, via E-mail.