Because I really like it, I’m gonna provide some constructive ideas. In edits such as this, the key is to have a variety of noticeably different shots from one cut to the next. Forward, backward, sideways, up, down, POI, wide, close ups. Don’t fly like a bird with eyes to the horizon. The horizon has little value in filming this locale. The gimbal is the key to all drama. Master the gimbal.
1) For the ever-important intro clip, typically you’d start with a forward travel reveal and save backwards travel for some of the closing clips (i.e. arrival > departure). Alternatively, an elevation reveal of the ironwork wheel starting from behind trees.
2) The first subject of your reveal is bare ground, then an uninteresting tin roof. The most interesting subject (the ironwork tower) is secondary to the composition, but is the best subject of the locale.
3) One idea for your first reveal would be to shift your backwards travel line to the left, passing over the top of the ironwork tower, gimbal down, and as you pass over, tilt gimbal up maintaining the axis with the top of the tower as you continue backwards. This should be in tripod mode (very slow) as the pass-over happens pretty fast and it’s challenging to get the gimbal tilt right. This shot is worth a few attempts.
4) A backwards travel reveal through the tower might be your best intro, more compelling than the shot going forward and through as you’ve already introduced the tower in your intro, albeit as a secondary subject.
5) The travel over the tin roof line would be better with gimbal straight down. Instead of attempting an organic turn over a right angle (better along a ridge line or tree line…organic features), fly the second roof line gimbal down sideways travel. Those 2 shots would cut together very well. With this locale, I would do all travel in straight lines inline with the structures…forward/back/left/right although a 45 would work too. Don’t fight the architectural layout of the site.
6) I can’t tell if you were attempting a manual POI on the smaller wheel tower, but you should have cut it before the messy part. One easy way to make an intelligent mode POI (or spotlight) more interesting is to travel forward/backward and additional takes with an elevation change. If it’s a good subject with a high shot value, try it a variety of ways, multiple takes. Other elements in the scene will reveal to complement the composition depending on your position and timing.
7) There are a whole lot of very interesting close ups you could feature to mix up your shots more. Don’t be afraid to get close to the subject. It creates drama, mystery and variety in composition. Fly sideways along the brick patterns and windows on the brick building, the steel frames and foliage @ :38, the side of the steel frame building under the wheel tower @ 2:20, the stairway and tanks @ 2:24. I’d start close to ground level for a close up elevation of the wheel tower @ 2:47, gimbal down shots of trees and scrubby ground plane, etc.
8) For the closing shot, I think a wide, high elevation and/or backwards travel POI of the whole site.
9) I love the music and really, really like the B/W for this locale. You could also try like a 95% desaturation allowing a hint of green to come through. I like the transition to color at the end, but only go to about 50% saturation.